How to get a cat to like you

If you have a new feline in your life or just want to have a closer bond with your cat and for them to like you, you may be asking ‘why is my cat so aloof?’ Well, don’t be put off.  Because cats are hunters by nature, they are often monitoring the environment around them, which is why they may not immediately respond to your request for attention. Their seemingly solitary nature is often just the cat being on alert, so don’t take it personally. With time and patience, using the tips below on how to get a cat to like you, means an affectionate relationship based on understanding and trust can soon be enjoyed.  

11 tips for getting a cat to like you

1. Let your cat or kitten make the first move

If you want to get a kitten to like you, or you have an adult cat that’s recently joined the family, the most important tip is to allow them to approach you, in their own time. No matter how cute they may look, resist the urge to move in too quickly and overwhelm them with physical intimacy. Imagine going to a social event and the host immediately sits on your lap. Scary? Well, it’s the same for cats when they come into your house. Being a bit distant yourself means that they can come to you on their own terms, gently and gradually, working you out through scent investigation as they go. 

2. Greet your cat with a gentle head bump     

When cats are getting to know each other, or are greeting a feline friend, they’ll often use ‘nose to nose’ contact or a head bump as a greeting. To replicate this gentle hello, you should bend down to their level and hold out one or two fingers 3-4 cm away from their nose, waiting for the cat to approach and mirror your friendly gesture. They may rub their nose against your fingers, or even ‘head bump’ your hand in return. It’s the cat equivalent of a handshake or high-five. Coming close and potentially making themselves vulnerable is a clear signal that your cat likes you. 

3. Carry some cat treats with you  

To bond with your cat and reward good social interaction, you can treat them every day, as long as it doesn’t make up more than 10% of their daily nutritional intake. The cat behaviourist, Marilyn Krieger, recommends giving a treat in greeting and using the cat’s name every time you say hello while you’re getting to know and like each other. You may also want to use treats for training your cat and teaching them tricks. Tricks such as paw and nose touches on command are great for building a bond between the two of you. 

4. Observe your cat’s likes and dislikes

Take the time to get to know your cat. Just like dating, you are discovering each other, and every cat will reveal its own personality and character. They may be playful or nervous by nature. Some cats like to be brushed and some don’t. Direct eye contact can upset certain cats while others don’t mind it. Discovering their preferences is particularly important if you’re bringing an adult cat home, as they’ll already have set thoughts on how affection towards you will be shown.  

5. Understand your cat’s body language

Cats use their body language to communicate how they feel about you in many ways.  They will affectionately rub against you to spread the scent from glands in their heads, body and tails, marking you as one of their tribe. In contrast, a twitching tail or flattened ears can often be a sign of irritation. This is a moment to give them space and they’ll love you for it. As Ernest Hemingway said “A cat has absolute emotional honesty. Human beings for one reason or another may hide their feelings, but a cat does not”.          

6. Show affection by stroking your cat

One of the best ways to gain affection from your cat is by using your magic touch to stroke them in ways that they love. The first rule is to let your cat control how long the petting session will last. It’s also best to leave them free to escape as they can become stressed if ‘cuddled’.  When touching, always use a slow, predictable and calm hand without any sudden, frightening movements and to only stroke them for short periods. Rubbing the cat’s fur where facial glands are located such as the forehead, at base of their ears and under their chin is always a good start. As you grow in confidence, slow stroking from neck to tail with some massaging around the neck muscles can also produce the loud purring that shows their love for you. Even when it appears they are enjoying it, however, always keep an eye out for changes in their behaviour that could indicate they want you to stop. A lot of the time they’re happy to simply sit in your lap and fall asleep without any fuss. 

7. Groom your cat as a bonding ritual       

Although expert groomers themselves, lots of cats like being brushed and it’s a great way of bonding with your cat. As well as fewer hairballs and less shedding, grooming your cats will imitate how they groom each other naturally and increase affection for you as a result. There are lots of brushes to choose from but if your cat is sensitive, they may prefer a grooming mitt. A good idea is to start with short grooming sessions and build up gradually as they become comfortable with it - if they don’t like it, don’t force it on them.  Stroking your cat before you start grooming them can also make sure they are at ease. You can then begin by brushing the places where they like to be petted, before moving on to areas such as the belly, building up the routine over time if they don’t like it at first. A treat at the end goes without saying. 

8. Use play time to develop feline friendships

Making time for regular play dates with your cat will keep them mentally stimulated and ensure that they see you as a fun friend. Because they are natural stalkers and hunters, mimicking the actions of catching prey using a feathered toy or wand is a great idea. Cats also love intelligent games such as finding hidden food in a puzzle. Surprisingly, cats can enjoy a game of ‘fetch’ with a small toy , using their natural instincts to catch and retrieve prey. You can even get involved in playing ‘hide and seek’ as they like to conceal themselves as part of their hunting ritual and have been known to seek owners out behind doorways.

9. Make your home a cool cat pad

One sure way to get your cat to love you is to make your home a cool cat pad where they’ll want to hang out. Cat behaviourist, Jackson Galaxy, calls the act of making your home cat friendly ‘catification’. Mod cons you can buy include multi-tiered cat activity trees so they can climb high, sharpen their claws on scratching posts, play with toys and even chill out in their very own penthouse ‘paw hut’. You don’t necessarily need to splash the cash though. Your cat will think you’re fabulous even if you install a cardboard box in the living room. Making sure they have easy access to key resources, including adequate sized litter trays around the home, as well as food and water, will also help them feel at home. The key point is to create interest, as well as giving your cat small spaces to hide and feel safe, and ensuring they can be independent. Just watch out when they launch themselves at your feet from their hiding spot!  

10. Start socialising your kitten early   

Human interaction is something that cats learn to appreciate from as early as 2-7 weeks old. It is the positive experiences of you while their brains are still developing that begin a lifelong loving relationship with you. By spending time with your kitten and exposing them to handling, sounds, feeding, play and above all your affection, we are sure you'll be rewarded with their love in return.

11. Use slow blinks when you make eye contact

Slow blinking is one of the easiest ways to show a cat you mean no harm. It’s their quiet signal for calm, a sort of peace offering in body language form. When you meet a cat’s eyes and slowly blink, you’re saying you’re relaxed, so they can be too. Cats do this with each other when they feel safe and at ease. If the cat returns the blink, you’ve earned a little trust. Don’t stare or lean in, just stay loose, eyes soft, movements gentle.

Putting these tips into practice not only means your cat or kitten will show you their love sooner than you think, they’ll also do it in ways you hadn’t expected. Find out more about ‘How cats show affection?’. After all, what greater gift is there than the love of a cat?